Monday, February 17, 2025
9.9 C
Kilmore
- Advertisement -

‘Five minutes with Fran’: February 4, 2025

Popular Stories

The North Central Review
The North Central Reviewhttps://ncreview.com.au/
The North Central Review is an independently owned newspaper publishing company based in Kilmore that is responsible for publishing two community newspapers each week, covering communities within the Mitchell Shire
Fran Cleland

ONCE again, it was a case of act first, think later. Sigh, if there were medals to be won for that trait, I could win gold for Australia.

It’s been a failing all my life and has, too many times, got me into hot water.

A nest of wasps appeared—the little European devils, imported along with cane toads, rabbits, foxes, and prickly pear from other places to be total pests to us Aussies—and they took up residence in a conifer bush several yards from the back door.

- Advertisement -

They annoyed the dogs, hung round the rubbish bin, and made general nuisances of themselves.

Dr Google was my best friend, and I researched the easiest way to move them on.

I found that covering the entire conifer with special dust to kill them would work, and it said to wait until after dark when, hopefully, the varmints would be asleep.

I discussed this with my better half who was at work, and he said that he would attend to it when he came home that night if I went and bought the powder, which I did.

But, as usual, I looked at the conifer, looked at the tin of powder, and thought, ‘How hard can it be?’.

You can, of course, see where this is heading. I went and searched the workroom cupboard.

I donned a pair of my son’s CFA overalls, and pulled on thick socks, gumboots, and leather gloves, wrapped a thick scarf around my neck, and, as the piece de resistance, my son’s full-face, rally car helmet.

I was ready for battle. No stinging little sucker was going to get through that lot, no need to wait for dark. I would attack now … I was dressed for WAR!

So, out I went. Lord knows what any visitor who arrived might have thought when they saw my outfit, and with the can in hand, I approached the conifer and began flailing the exterior with the powder.

I quickly discovered I was handicapped by three things.

One, that the wasps were not at all happy about being attacked by a space monster and came out en masse to see who dared to invade them.

Two, that I had forgotten it was a hot day, and three, because of the heat and my heavy breathing, the helmet—which was now air proof thanks to the scarf—fogged up and I couldn’t see or breathe.

Naturally, I panicked.

Visualisations flooded my mind of having to remove the helmet to breathe and being attacked by several thousand (well, it seemed that many) furious wasps, and having the family finding my sting-riddled corpse when they came home.

I fled back indoors, and collapsed in a panting, sweating heap on the cool laundry floor.

I quietly hid all evidence of my escapade, and that night when my husband came home, he followed the instructions on the canister: waited until darkness fell, went out, doused the bush in powder, and peace reigned again.

One day I will learn.

- Advertisement -
- Advertisement Mbl -

Related Articles

1 COMMENT

Leave a Reply

- Advertisement -

Latest Articles

15×15 Crossword 3

Sudoku Hard 3

Mini Crossword 3

Wordrow 3