HEMINGWAY said: “Every man has two deaths, when he is buried in the ground and the last time someone says his name. In some ways men can be immortal”.
I was searching for someone in my mobile phone, and came across the name of a man I cared very much about who passed away some five years ago.
His smile and voice came into my mind instantly, the memory of him, flamboyant, charming and so talented. He was one of the very few that got away with calling me “Frannie” without getting his ears boxed.
Memories from a very long friendship with him drifted through my head, made me smile, and I spoke his name.
What I discovered was although I can no longer call him, there is no way I can take his name from the phone list. It is impossible.
No doubt some wondrous psychologist will give me chapter and verse, but it will stay there.
I thought more on this, and began a search for others gone, and there they were, each bringing their own special memories, and in every case their face and voice drifted so clearly through my mind.
The little silver haired hurricane who lived across the road and through her vibrant personality and determination she dragged us out of the trauma we suffered after the Mickleham bushfires, and also the name of the dear sweet gentleman who came to the races with me and was shocked as I screamed and yelled as Lonhro made his famous run to win the Australia Cup in 2004.
“Leave it with me,” he’d say if I presented a problem.
And off he’d go to sort it out.
There is another that still leaves me bewildered, as our dear and long-time friendship ended so abruptly.
I am still at a loss as to what I supposedly did to cause it. It really hurt that I could not say goodbye to her when she became ill.
Still, I cannot bring myself to take her name from the list on the phone.
There are two very precious names on the list, both young, and both chose to end their lives. Reading their names makes me cry and scream; Why! I still hear her infectious laughter and see his big smile and beautiful bright blue eyes.
I find, going through the long list of names that there are more that will stay, even though I have no logical reason to keep them.
Am I alone in this? I wish they were all here, laughing and chatting in a happy group.
I so dislike empty chairs.
Hemingway was right.
