By Grace Frost
Rekiah O’Donnell’s story has made headlines for the past decade after she was killed by her boyfriend in Sunshine in 2013.
Ms O’Donnell was 22 years old.
Her killer, Nelson Lai, claimed he believed he had emptied the bullets from his gun and was unaware that one was still loaded when he shot Ms O’Donnell in the head.
He was cleared of murder and convicted of manslaughter in 2015, sentenced to a maximum of nine and a half years in prison.
Ms O’Donnell’s mother, Kerryn Robertson, said her daughter was a ‘very headstrong young woman’, and that she, alongside many other victims of family violence, did not fit the stereotype often projected upon women facing abuse.
“People tend to put women in a box who are in violent relationships and think … ‘there’s someone who’s downtrodden or hasn’t got a supportive family’ or ‘[they’re not] strong enough to look after themselves’, that sort of thing. But she was quite the opposite to that,” she said.
Ms Robertson said she hoped her daughter’s story would remind women starting in relationships to look out for ‘red flags’, of which she said there were many when her daughter began dating Mr Lai.
“Friends noticed even the first time she went out with him that he was making comments [like] ‘why was she looking at someone else’,” Ms Robertson said.
“It was always ‘who were you with?’, ‘what are you doing?’, ‘what guy are you looking at?’.”
The first signs
Ms Robertson first noticed bruises on her daughter’s arm 10 years ago, on Christmas Day in 2012, and asked her where she had got them.
Ms Robertson believed Ms O’Donnell’s claims to have bumped into a wall, unaware that while living away from home, her daughter had been dating Mr Lai for about six months.
It was only in February 2013 that Ms O’Donnell admitted that she had been in a relationship with Mr Lai, who had caused the bruising at Christmas and a more recent black eye.
Ms O’Donnell moved out of her share house after her flatmates became concerned about her partner who was ‘coming around and making trouble’.
After losing her job, Ms O’Donnell’s family supported her in moving to a self-contained unit above Ms Robertson’s husband’s factory in Diamond Creek, hoping to provide her an escape from her abuser.
“She moved over to [Diamond Creek] not telling him where she was going, but he found out about a week later,” Ms Robertson said.
“She said he had tracking devices … [he] sent her a picture of her car outside the factory.”
Ms Robertson hoped having a police station nearby would provide her safety and encouraged her to take out an intervention order against her abuser.
The pinnacle
Ms O’Donnell wanted to break off her relationship with Mr Lai before leaving on a trip to India in March 2013, and so sent a letter to him that outlined the abuse she had endured and telling him she would not put up with it any more.
Upon her return, however, Ms Robertson and her husband became aware Ms O’Donnell was visiting Mr Lai again, and were called several times to go and pick her up when he threatened her.
“I think because he had also got her into taking drugs as well… she was probably dependent, having no money, either,” Ms Robertson said.
Ms Robertson warned her daughter not to return to Mr Lai, concerned for her life.
“I said to her … ‘if you let this go on, you’re going to end up either in hospital or dead’,” Ms Robertson said.
“Even [Mr Lai’s] father said at one point ‘don’t let her come back here, because he’s no good for her’.”
A family left heartbroken
In October 2013, Mr Lai pointed a gun at Ms O’Donnell and shot her dead.
Ms Robertson heard about the shooting while listening to the news in the car on her way to a work appointment. As the day progressed the awful truth was confirmed – that it was her daughter who had been shot.
Both Ms O’Donnell’s younger siblings, Indiana and Jesse, were left heartbroken at the loss of their sister.
The last time Indiana saw her big sister was on her 15th birthday.
“They’ve both got through, but obviously, it’s something you never get over,” Ms Robertson said.
“Having to tell Indiana particularly was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life,
“She’s probably struggled the most out of anyone … she was only 15 at the time.”
The trial
The four-week trial began nearly two years later, on what would’ve been Ms O’Donnell’s 24th birthday, April 13, 2015.
“[Nelson] said he’d had the gun in his bed head… and he was minding the gun for a friend,” Ms Roberston said.
“He was playing with the gun in the bedroom and the gun happened to go off and shoot her in the head.
“His mum and dad were in the house the day it happened and said they didn’t hear anything.”
Forensic and ballistic experts could not prove that Mr Lai knew the gun still had a bullet in it.
“The justice system is not a justice system for a lot of people really, because … the perpetrators get all the rights,” Ms Robertson said.
“I think there are a lot better systems that could be put in place to make the perpetrators accountable … [they would make] it easier for women to come forward, knowing the abusers will receive just punishment and be stopped from hurting them any more.”
A mother’s plea
After losing her child, Ms Robertson said she hoped to tell women currently suffering abuse that it was never their fault.
“There is no excuse whatsoever for men to abuse you in any form, whether it be physical, emotional, verbal, financial or by using coercive control,” she said.
“Don’t be ashamed to tell someone what is happening, and get the help of other people. Your life and your freedom are worth much more than any relationship.”
Ms Robertson said many judgemental comments had been directed toward her daughter and her family, who questioned why Ms O’Donnell kept returning to her abuser and why her family didn’t stop her from going back.
“There are many reasons behind why [women] do [what they do] … being scared is one thing. Not being able to support yourself … and having nowhere to go. There are obviously a lot of varied reasons why women do go back,” Ms Robertson said.
“Obviously, she felt something for him as well, she thought she could actually help him. I don’t think she had given up on him.”
Ms Robertson warned women in similar situations that ‘those sorts of people are usually not going to change’.
“At the first hint of controlling behaviour or any form of abuse, do not go any further with the relationship,” she said.
“Beware of those red flags, right from the very word go.”
Family violence helplines
If you or someone you know needs help or support, the following services are available to help:
• The Orange Door: 1800 634 245. www.orangedoor.vic.gov.au
• Safe Steps (24/7 Family Violence Response Line): 1800 015 188
• 1800 RESPECT (24/7 sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service): 1800 737 732
• Nexus Primary Health: 1300 773 352
• Men’s Referral Service: (24/7 professional support and information service for Australian men): 1300 466 491
• Seniors Rights Victoria: 1300 368 821
• The Bridge Youth Service: Seymour (03) 5799 1298 or Wallan (03) 5799 1298
• Rainbow Door: 1800 729 367
• InTouch Multicultural Centre Against Family Violence: 1800 755 988
• Rumbalara Aboriginal Co-operative: 5820 0000
• Djirra Aboriginal Family Violence Prevention and Legal Services: 1800 105 303. djirra.org.au.
